Yelp is great tool... for shitheads.

Our economy and lives are products of Capitalism. You and I both clock in and out of some mundane job and will continue to do so for the rest of our lives.  There is no time for self-improvement or chasing dreams. When we're not at work we just want to decompress; we get a drink, sleep, or watch tv for 6 straight hours - anything that will take our minds off of that looming shift on Monday. *Those closest to me know just how passionate I am about the rat-race, so let me end this tangent here*

"The rich make a LOT of money, and pay NONE of the taxes; the middle class makes a LITTLE bit of money, and pays ALL of the taxes; and, the poor are just there to scare the ***** out the middle class, and keep them going to those jobs." -George Carlin

In short, 80% of us hate our jobs and that percentage is probably even higher in the service industry.  Everyone in the service industry intends to be somewhere else in 5 years.  Hey little Tommy, what do you wanna be when you grow up? A server at a middle of the road seafood restaurant where I fetch food and field complaints all day:  This conversation never happens.  Ever.

Know that when you stroll into grown-up Tommy's restaurant and he seems slightly disinterested in you and your crabcakes and forgets to bring out that extra side of sauce you ordered, it's because he forgot, doesn't give a shit, and like the majority of Americans, is doing just enough at his job to not get fired.  I'm surprised at the Yelp review you leave describing in detail how horrible the service was and how you're never going there again.

I'm not surprised that you wrote a review.  I'm surprised that you seem surprised in your review.  If most of us hate our jobs then doesn't it stand to reason that when you go out, there is a good chance that  your experience is just gonna be mediocre and sometimes sub-par.  It's up you and your party to have a good time, acknowledge the good, joke about the bad and not let a missing side of tartar sauce shake you to the core.

What you're thinking:

"Hey, if people hate their job so much why don't they get a different one?" 

Whether you're a server, mechanic, or teacher, it's all the same hamster wheel, just in a different building.  Bills, expenses, and debt force you to work a job that has lost any intrigue or appeal.  Dress it up however you want to, it all comes down to bottom lines and productivity.  This is not what you wanted to do with your life.  Hey, you always wanted to be in a band right, what ever happened to that?

Understanding the rat-race and capitalism, I'm half expecting less than stellar service when I go out.  If it ends up being excellent service and a great time then yeah me, I'm pleasantly surprised and I give super-props to whomever is working.  If the service is shady, I grin a little to myself and cut the server, receptionist, or cashier a little slack because I know the struggle.  Do me a favor and go easy on them next time, would ya.  Oh, and go easy on that sauce too.  The last thing your fat ass needs is extra sauce.

Yelp.com's Restaurant Guide should look like this:  

A:  THE SHORT LIST OF UNUSUALLY GOOD RESTAURANTS DESPITE CAPITALISM:

1.

2.

etc.

B:  WHAT CAN WE TELL YA, YOU TAKE YOUR CHANCES...

All of the other restaurants.

That's it.

*I should state that when Chels and I are looking for a new place to eat, the first thing we do is hop onto Yelp so disregard everything you just read.

Lemonade Is A Tough Racket

Back in 1988, Cindy was a 15 year old that owned a lemonade stand in my old neighborhood. Buster, Reggie, and Herman were all 9 years old and worked the lemonade stand for Cindy. They would charge 10¢ for every cup of lemonade. Cindy would get 5¢ for every cup sold and the other 5¢ was for the 3 boys to split.

Cindy was a dipshit owner. She would never stock Country-Time Lemonade Mix or cups and then would get mad at the boys when they would run out. Cindy didn't mean to be a dipshit, she just didn't have the dedication or organization it takes to run a solid stand.

The 3 boys were just happy to have jobs, so they just put up with Cindy's dipshit antics and sold what they could. Besides, they could make upwards of $2.00 each on a nice hot summer day. Buster and Reggie were party animals and would get all hopped-up on lemonade and Pixy Stix before, during, and after work. Herman drank the occasional cup of lemonade but was an easy going kid. He was just trying to pay off his Power Wheels Escalade Ext loan. Herman and I were good friends back then.

Buster and Reggie hatched a new plan to make more money. They started pocketing all 10¢ from some of the lemonade sales. They would turn in less money to Cindy and she was usually too unorganized to notice. At the days end when Buster, Reggie, and Herman would split up the money, they would now make up to $5 each. DAMN SON, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PIXY STIX AND FUN DIP YOU COULD BUY WITH 5 BONES!!

Buster and Reggie finally explained to Herman why they all starting making so much more money. "Think of how much scratch we can make if you start keeping all 10¢ too, Herm", the boys exclaimed. Herman tried it on a few sales and it just didn't feel right. Each night after closing the stand, the boys would throw the money they made into the pot to be divided equally. Because of skimming, Reggie and Buster consistently contributed much larger amounts than Herman.

Herman's innocence seemed to highlight Buster and Reggie's scheme and resentment grew. On one hand, Herman could skim and make a lot of ¢'s and just deal with the feelings of guilt and the fear and shame of getting caught and fired. Or he could refuse to get involved and deal with Buster and Reggie's cold looks and mounting resentment.

Herman chose neither and gave Cindy his 2 days notice. When Herman told me this story during recess one day, I put sand in his hair and jokingly called him a pussy, but secretly I wondered what I would do in his position. Buster and Reggie both worked the lemonade stand for many years after that, they found many other co-workers that were willing to skim, made a lot of ¢'s, and their scheme was never discovered.

Now, the names, dates, and some of the details of this story have been changed but I assure you that this story is true and this Lemonade stand is still standing today; as a matter of fact, I'm still really good friends with Herman. There are times in life when your honesty and integrity comes into question. Take a minute to think about this story and what you would have done; be honest with yourself, no one is going to know. When push comes to shove, are you more Buster or Herman?